baby update and angry musings

has anyone notice VonTootlesburg's new picture? it is snazzy and full of sizzle. (all those years at the Carousel have indeed rubbed off). Anywho...baby Jaeden could arrive any time. They want her to go at least one more week for lung development but after that who knows? Apparently with her blood clotting disorder the farther along she gets the more jeopardy the baby could be in, so she wont go past 39 anyways. Baby Daddy is ...well what can one say that would be positive? Hmm....nibbling lip trying to form positive thought so hold on a short sec.....
The fear of chewing my lip off looms large in my thoughts, so I simply state he's around. He is not large, not in charge and not living life respectfully or carefully. His maternal unit brings out incredible anger in me. I try very, very hard to keep it in check and mostly succeed. I did have a temper lose last weekend and thankfully baby daddy and baby daddy momma stayed away. I of course dont stand around screaming obsenities and all such useless moments of that sort, but I do speak my mind with ruthlessness that really seems to unnerve people. Still, I dont want this for Vanessa or Jaeden. Baby Daddy is either gold or garbage...theres no middle ground with this kid. Lately he's garbage. But he is Jaedens father, so I ask all my family to pray for his sorry useless baby making ass. And of course Vanessa and Jaeden and throw me in for good measure. I would like to not have a ruthless moment because they are damaging in life. Reality is important, but knowing what people think of you (collectively speaking) and your life is not and serves no purpose other than to inflict pain. So as the wonderful moment of Jaedens appearance into the world approaches that joy has the dark cloud over it. Bummer. Time to change the weather.